Post-mortem

Day 7:

Memento mori. “Remember that you will die.” Admittedly, this isn’t the most pleasant topic. There is, however, great benefit in meditating on the reality that at some point, you will in fact die. It motivates you to live the life right now that you want to be living. Meditate on this, and write out your thoughts. Does death scare you? Does it motivate you? It’s okay to be honest.

Well, I think about this topic more than I should. All I do is learning about the possible ways I can die. Cancer, diseases, infections, etc. If I could choose, I would definitely want it to be over in a moment. Without pain, without months of suffering. Clean cut is the best, I think. However, thinking about my loved ones… they deserve those months to prepare for the loss.

Does death scare me? Well, if it’s sudden, if I don’t have time to think about, then no. If it’s the only outcome of a chronic and withering sickness, well yes. I watched two of my grandparents die like that. They didn’t recognise me, their children, even their spouses in the last few years. They were in bed, doing nothing, eating nothing, being sedated or in pain. Their kinda healthy but still old spouses were there all time nursing them, not even being able to go the shop. I don’t think that’s what it means the “in health & in sickness” part of the vow. I don’t wanna die like that. If I’m gonna be that sick, I want my partner (meaning my 45 cats&dogs) to leave me alone, to try to find happiness without me.

Does death motivate me? Hm, yes. If I would die right now, I would be furious because I haven’t done SO much things. Or I wouldn’t be furious because I would be dead, and maybe there’s nothing after death. (I don’t know whether I believe in life after death… I don’t think there is heaven with St Peter at the gates, but I hope there IS something there.)

Without further do, here’s the best part of my post: the diary entry.

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