When I write about this, it’s because loneliness hits me… but mostly I’m totally fine with being single.
One of my very close friends broke up with her boyfriend several weeks ago. She’s 21 like me and since she was 14, she hasn’t been alone for a day! She is not able to be alone. Addicted to relationships. She’s clearly not over her previous boyfriend, but all she can think about is who is gonna be the next (the One).
I tried to tell her to settle down, calm down, process everything and for the first time in her adult life, be alone for a while. But no, she thinks that single life is miserable and there’s no happiness in it. Thank you very much.
First, let me tell you, I KNOW. I know it’s nice to have someone to talk to, to cuddle with, to feel loved and supported. Even though, I don’t consider my relationships relationships, I know these feelings. I can only imagine what it feels like to be properly accepted and loved and what it feels like to lose it all. I know it’s painful and horrible. I know loneliness sucks.
But you have to be an individual person. You have to figure out your own goals and needs. You have to do something because you want to do it, not because that pleases someone else. (I know I say this a lot, but some people just don’t get this concept.) You have to know how to be happy alone. You have to fully know, accept and love yourself if you want to find someone who fully know, accept and love you. Until then, everything is doomed to fail, even it’s not so clear in the beginning. You have to be strong, gaining your strength from yourself, not your relationship. I might be wrong, but as far as I see, this is the truth.
There are so many people who don’t understand this their whole life. My mother, for example. Who strongly believes that a woman can’t be alone. And she feels sorry for me. Because I can solve my problems individually without complaining, fighting. Because I have my own dreams other than having a regular sex partner. And these people, they rather live their life in a safe, comfortable and bad relationship… I must be strange for not craving for that.
Okay, I’m only writing this because I know I’m not allowed to judge other people’s decision. As a friend, I did what I could, I told her my opinion, and that’s it. It’s her life. I wish I wasn’t right – that she’d find happiness in the rebound guy. I may be too pessimistic to actually believe it’s possible.
I just realised I haven’t really answered the question in the title. How to be single? I wanted to write so many things, but no, I’m not entitled to do that. Go to a cuisine course? Don’t think about your ex? Go to every party, get drunk, hook up with strangers? Get a haircut? We all know there is no ultimate method. Just find a way to live. I did that.
Bonus, february summary:
- cinema month: Danish Girl (great one), How to be single (surprisingly watchable), Son of Saul (heavy, overwhelming), Deadpool (is there anyone who doesn’t like it?)
- lesbian party: it was… interesting.
- VOLT reunion with cats
- semester opening
- loong high school reunion
- cooking & baking with my uni friends
- self-hosting decision: 2overthinkers.com is ours and live and wow
- birthday with the Band
- escape game & flute concert
- school & motivation: it exists! ECG course in a SUPER hospital, internal medicine practice with a great teacher